The Internet was not designed to stop people from doing stupid things, because that would also stop them from doing clever things. Anybody who believes that because they dish out 15-20 bucks for a donation to an online project that that “entitles” them to ANYTHING must be made to realize otherwise.
Users need to understand that it is not the admin’s job to make them happy, it is the admin’s job is to make sure the system works in the way it was designed to work and that the main purpose of the project remains the main purpose of the project. Then the system will work and the users will be happy most of the time.
If users believe that the admin or developer or moderator of an online project has to make them happy, they will never be happy, and the system will never work. This is not about whether users have a “right to happiness,” it is just a practical point that admins and developers and moderators cannot deliver happiness to everyone everywhere at all times, nor should they be expected to do so.
If developers and admins and moderators allow complaints to undermine their confidence in their project, which has already been proven to work as intended, then they will allow users to become toxic to the project. This is true regardless of whether the project is a piece of software, an online community, a game, a mailing list, a forum, or any other kind of service that developers deliver to users.
Solving problems and accepting that certain users do not work well with others and are not a benefit to the project is the reality of using the Internet and developing various online projects and services. High-maintenance users taking up all the time and support of developers and admins and moderators to meet their unrealistic expectations are simply not worth the costs to the project and the community surrounding it.
Dealing with difficult people is hard enough, but working with volunteers who are difficult is doubly troublesome. There are many questions to be considered such as:
- Is the difficult person a valuable volunteer?
- In spite of difficulties with one group, does this person work for the overall good of the community or project?
- Is the person worth more to the project in spite of their difficulties, or would the project or community be better off without them?
A truly difficult person is someone who seems to thrive on causing turmoil and strife within a group in particular and the whole community in general on a consistent and predictable basis.
The result is that administrators and developers are miserable, dread dealing with user complaints, and often simply ignore the users or, in the worst-case scenario, they resign from the project or online community. The whole community feels stressed, agitated and insecure and the worse it gets, the happier the difficult person becomes. Their happiness is the red flag warning that you are dealing with a difficult person. The main thing to remember is that you must take control of your own emotions and deal with the specific behaviors of the annoying person.
Types of Difficult Users
Bullies :
In her book, “Toxic People,� Lillian Glass describes the bully as, “a verbal terrorist, a loud, obnoxious, rude, demanding, stubborn know-it-all whose motto is, ‘My way or the highway.’ Explosive and volatile, they fly off the handle in an instant. They are happy only when they are running the show.� Remember, that regardless of the excuses a bully might have for their behavior, they are responsible for it and they have chosen to act that way. Provide a counter-opinion and confront them about the behavior you find unacceptable.
Loose Cannons :
Out of the blue, they explode, become furious and have embarrassing and annoying tantrums. This one is scary and has others walking on eggshells. If you feel that this person is making a worthwhile contribution and the explosions aren’t too frequent, you may want to try to figure out what sets them off and show some genuine concern. Like the Bullies, you should confront them with examples of their behavior that aren’t acceptable, define the limits of what they can do, and acknowledge them when they do something good.
Whiners and Blamers :
This negative person doesn’t look for the bright side, because they live on the dark side. Life is a heavy burden, everything is a disappointment and nothing measures up. They suck the lifeblood and enthusiasm out of ideas and projects. They don’t trust anybody, especially leaders and they can find fault in anything. If something doesn’t work out, they are always ready to say, “I told you so.� Don’t argue with them, but make sure the facts are clear to everyone. Point out that helpful, positive, constructive comments and suggestions are preferable and beneficial to the community as a whole. It’s possible to acknowledge that looking at the worst that could happen in a project is helpful in planning and part of the process, but certainly not the whole process.
Trolls :
Trolls are a sad, pathetic fact of life on the Internet. Trolls post something inflammatory so that people will respond with angry and indignant replies and long, drawn-out arguments. The hotter the flame and the longer the threat, the more satisfying from the troll’s point of view. A troll is a cry for attention, a pathetic attempt to be noticed. Even though all the attention is negative, it is attention nonetheless. Deny the troll continued satisfaction to make it go away. Allowing the troll to spew unanswered may give others the impression that the troll won the argument, and if the troll is on a crusade, this could be a Bad Thing. It is sometimes useful to just refute all the troll’s arguments completely, but from an administrator or developer’s point of view, you just don’t have time for this shit. Hopefully, you have good moderators in place who will take care of this for you. If not, get some, and make it worth their while to do a good job for you, even if it means you occasionally buy them something from their wishlist (it’s worth it!). Ridicule can work on a troll with a short fuse. If you can make this type of troll mad enough, it will scream back at you and storm out of the group (usually with some dramatic flair), a very happy outcome indeed. You can also provide yourself and other clueful folks a few moments of entertainment as you turn the troll everyway but loose. Be sure to remain aloof; it upsets the troll even more, which makes the troll’s attempted snappy or angry come-backs even easier to slap down. The downside to this approach is that the troll wants attention, even (especially?) negative attention, so you may just feed it. Try to recognize this quickly and then change your approach.
When people have reached the stage where they constantly seek negative attention through persistent trolling, they are pretty far gone. They need to be reminded how pathetic and pathological their behavior is. The more convincing you are that you truly pity them their sick state of being, the greater the chance you can just shame them out of the group. If the Troll keeps coming back even after being utterly refuted and publicly shamed, you no longer have a Troll, you have a Fuckhead. Ban the Fuckheads, there’s no other possible way of dealing with them.
